How should we introduce our children to the Tisha B'Av fast?
Anyone who has spent time at a Jewish summer camp has inevitably confronted questions regarding what children should or shouldn’t do in the weeks preceding Tisha B’Av and on Tisha B’Av itself. From the 17th of Tammuz, many Ashkenazim have the custom not to shave or conduct weddings, and beginning with Rosh Chodesh Av, there are additional customs such as refraining from bathing, laundering one’s clothes, and listening to live music. In general, there is a halakhic principle of chinuch, in that parents have a responsibility to educate their children in the performance of mitzvot. The formal requirement usually begins at the age of five or six, and to take one example, this would be the age when parents would start to encourage children not to violate the prohibitions of Shabbat. The Mishnah (Yoma 8:4) even explicitly states that a child should begin to fast for Yom Kippur at age 11 or 12, so that when they turn bar mitzvah, they will be able to complete the fast without a problem.
What, then, should kids do or not do in the weeks preceding Tisha B’Av and for Tisha B’Av itself? One approach is to argue that because all the prohibitions are rabbinic at best or may be hard for young children, there is room for leniency. However, a stream in halakhic thought emphasizes leniency for deeper theological reasons. This is addressed by the Israeli posek Rabbi Nahum Eliezer Rabinovitch (Siach Nachum, 32) in a teshuvah when he was asked whether a camp or summer program would be permitted to have activities for children under the age of bar mitzvah that may be prohibited in the three weeks or nine days before Tisha B’Av. Because these customs are modeled on aveilut, he argues that the answer depends on whether there is a halakhic obligation for children under the age of bar mitzvah to be educated in aveilut. Citing the Shulchan Arukh and others, he states this is not the case and then asserts that teaching a child to mourn the Temple’s destruction signals to them that one has given up hope on it ever being rebuilt. By refraining from the mourning customs in the weeks preceding Tisha B’Av, children are, in fact, educated to anticipate redemption. He even goes so far as to say that the mourning practices would not apply to a child under the age of bar mitzvah on Tisha B’Av itself.
Even with all this, Rabbi Rabinovitch still argues that children should be educated about Tisha B’Av but that it should also be placed into a Zionist framework of the Jewish people’s return to the Land of Israel, for it, too, is part of the narrative of exile and anticipating redemption that we commemorate on Tisha B’Av.
| שאלה האם מותר לקיים פעילויות לילדים (לפני גיל מצוות) כגון הצגות, שמיעת מוזיקה, שחייה בבריכה וכדומה, במסגרת קייטנה המתקיימת בימי בין המצרים ? תשובה קטן שמת לו מת – יש מן האחרונים שכתבו שחייבים לחנכו באבלות, אבל המנהג כאותם הפוסקים שאין מחנכים, כפי שפסק השלחן ערוך (יו״ד סי׳ שצו, ג), וכן פסק החכמת אדם (הל׳ אבלות כלל קנב, יז) והוסיף שלגבי תשעה באב אין מונעים מן הקטן שום דבר משום חינוך, ואפילו לא נעילת הסנדל. ונראה שגם לסוברים ששייכת מצות חינוך באבלות רח״ל זהו רק במת לו מת. וגלגל חוזר הוא בעולם. אבל בתשעה באב האבלות היא על החורבן, ואנו מצפים כי מהרה ינחם ה׳ ציון והצומות ייהפכו לששון ושמחה, ואם יחנכו את הקטן להתאבל הרי יש בכך משום ייאוש מן הגאולה ח״ו. אלא אדרבה צריך לחנך את הקטנים לצפות לישועה. …אולם כבר כתב הרב אריה ליב ב״ר אשר גינצבורג בעל שאגת אריה בספרו גבורת ארי (תענית ל, א): “ולי נראה דודאי אין אבילות תשעה באב נוהג כלל בקטן כמו שאינו נוהג בו אבילות קרוביו, כדאמרינן ריש פרק ג׳ דמועד קטן”. והמשיך: “והא דתנוקות של בית רבן בטלין בו, לא משום לתא דידהו, אלא משום לתא דהרב שהוא חייב בו באבילות דתשעה באב שהוא אבילות רכל ישראל. וכן הא דאסור לכבס בגדי קטנים בשבת שחל תשעה באב מדבטלי קצרי דבי רב, לאו משום לתא דאבילות הקטנים, אלא משום לתא דמכבס, דמסתמא הוא גדול, ואם עוסק בכיבוס נראה כמסיח דעתו ואינו חושש להתאבל על ירושלים, דזה עיקר טעם איסור כיבוס בשבוע של תשעה באב… הילכך… ואין אבילות דתשעה באב נוהג בקטן. והא דתנוקות של בית רבן בטלין בו, הוא משום לתא דרבן וכדפירשתי”. ברם, כל זה אינו אלא כשהגדול עצמו הוא העוסק בצרכי הקטן. לפיכך: אין שום מנהגי אבלות אפילו בתשעה באב עצמו לילדים שלא הגיעו לגיל מצוות. אמנם מדריכים ומורים אינם פטורים מאותם מנהגי אבלות השייכים בהם אבל כאשר הם עסוקים עם הילדים אין בכך משום שמתה, שהרי עסוקים במלאכתם וזה מותר. אבל אין להם להוסיף לעצמם מה שאינו לצורך הילדים. כגון שחייה בבריכה לשם הנאת עצמם שלא בפיקוח על הילדים וכיו״ב. עם זאת, מומלץ שיספרו לילדים על בית המקדש ועל התקוה לראותו בבניינו במהרה בימינו, ובכך בוודאי כבר אין “לתא וגדול”. וכן ראוי לספר להם על שיבת ישראל לארצנו בדורות האחרונים, ועל גיבורי כוח הבונים את החרבות והמגינים על הארץ ועל העם. ויה״ר שנזכה במהרה לנחמת ציון וירושלים | Question: Is it permitted to have activities for kids (younger than the age of bar mitzvah) like plays, listening to music, swimming in a pool, and the like in the framework of a camp during the three weeks before Tisha B’Av? Answer: Regarding a child who has lost an immediate family member, there are those among the later authorities who have written that one is obligated to educate them in mourning; however, the general practice is like those authorities who hold that one should not educate them as is ruled in Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah, 396:3) and in Chochmat Adam (Laws of Mourning, Klal 152:17), who added that regarding Tisha B’Av, one should not prevent children from doing anything because of the need to educate them in mourning (the loss of the Temple). Not even the prohibition of wearing leather shoes. It appears that even for those who hold that there is an obligation to educate towards mourning, may God have mercy on us, this only applies when one has lost an immediate family member, as such is the eventual way of the world. But Tisha B’Av is about mourning the destruction of the Temple, and we anticipate that God will speedily console Zion and the fasts will be turned into days of rejoicing and happiness. If you educate the child to mourn, there is in this an element of having given up hope on redemption, God forbid. Rather, it is the opposite. It is necessary to educate children to look forward to redemption. …However, Rabbi Arei Leib ben Rav Asher Ginsburg, author of Shaagat Aryeh, in his book Gevurat Ari (Taanit 30a): “It appears to me that it is obvious that the mourning of Tisha B’Av does not apply to children, just as it doesn’t apply to a child with a family member who has died, as it says in the beginning of the third chapter of Moed Katan.” He continues: “Regarding the fact that Torah teachers for your children do not work on Tisha B’Av, this is not because mourning applies to children but because it applies to the teacher, who is obligated in the mourning of Tisha B’av, which is the collective mourning of the Jewish people. So too, just as it is forbidden to wash the clothes of children in the week of Tisha B’Av…this is not because mourning applies to children but to the one who washes the clothes, who is typically an adult, and if he engaged in washing it appears as though his mind has departed (from the mourning) and is not concerned with mourning Jerusalem. This is the primary reason it is forbidden to wash clothes during the week of Tisha B’Av…Therefore…the mourning of Tisha B’Av does not apply to children. The fact that children do not go to school and study Torah on Tisha B’Av is because the prohibition applies to the teachers, as I explained it.” In general, all this is only when the adult themselves is engaged in the needs of the child. Therefore: There are no customs of mourning even on Tisha B’Av itself for children who are younger than the age of bar mitzvah. However, counselors and teachers are not exempt from the mourning customs that apply to them (as adults). But when they are engaging children, there is no joy in this, for they are busy with their professional work and this is permitted. However, they should not add for themselves and do things that are not for the needs of the children, such as swimming in a pool for their own enjoyment and not to supervise the children. With all this, it is nevertheless recommended to tell children about the Temple and the hope to see it rebuilt speedily in our days…So too it is appropriate to tell them about the return of the Jewish people to their homeland in recent generation and about the heroes who have rebuilt that which was destroyed and about those who defend the land and the people. May it be God’s will that we will merit speedily the consolation of Zion and Jerusalem. |
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Rabbi Zachary Truboff ('10) is the coordinator of the International Beit Din Institute, which seeks to educate rabbis about halakhic solutions to the agunah problem. His writings on contemporary Jewish thought and Zionism have appeared in the Lehrhaus, Arutz Sheva, Akdamot, and Zerufim. His first book, Torah Goes Forth From Zion: Essays on the Thought of Rav Kook and Rav Shagar, will appear in the coming year. Before making aliyah, he served for nearly a decade as the rabbi of Cedar Sinai Synagogue in Cleveland. Under his leadership the synagogue grew substantially and became known for its inclusive community and innovative programing. In 2015, he was chosen by the Cleveland Jewish News as one of the 18 Difference Makers, a select group honored for their contributions to Jewish communal life in Northeast Ohio. He has taught in a variety of adult education settings such as the Wexner Heritage Program, the Torat Tzion Kollel, and the Hartman Institute. . He received semikha from Rav Zalman Nechemia Goldberg and Yeshivat Chovevei Torah. He and wife, Jen, live in Jerusalem with the four children Nahum, Elihai, Shaiya, and Orya.
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